Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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