I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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