Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
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I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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