The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize