If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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