two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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