last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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