Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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