you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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