i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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