my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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