did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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