I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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