If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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