Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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