i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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