Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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