if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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