I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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