I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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