So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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