We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
from now on my penis is your penis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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