So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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