dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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