she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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