It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize