he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize