If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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