So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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