don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize