She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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