you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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