im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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