Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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