so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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