Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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