i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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