Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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