just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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