ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize