Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we made out on top of his cat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want her autograph on my taint
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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