You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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