i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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