The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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