so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize