I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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