Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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