Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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