she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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