So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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